


The Tragedy of Grand Heroic Captains

by cristobalrios



Category: Star Trek: Picard
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:20:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26945824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cristobalrios/pseuds/cristobalrios
Summary: Rios reflects on the similarities in the tragedy of his bondmate and of his late mentor, that the two most important men in his life, although seemingly very different from each other, have some important things in common that probably says a lot of the tragedy of Rios himself.
Relationships: Cristóbal Rios & Alonzo Vandermeer, Cristóbal Rios/S'vec Sylar
Kudos: 2





	The Tragedy of Grand Heroic Captains

**Author's Note:**

> I am behind on the Whumptober things, but here's an angst fic instead. I also have a bit of a dramatic one with a (much needed) comic relief supplemental story in the works. Also, my birthday is in a little over half an hour!

At first glance, you wouldn’t think that Sylar and Vandermeer had much in common. Vandermeer was closer to Rios, but less reserved. He was sentimental, emotional, moral. A natural-born leader. The best Starfleet had to offer. He would have joined the ranks of the Greats like Kirk and Picard if his life hadn’t come to its tragic conclusion when it did. Sylar was distant, unemotional, detached. He followed orders perfectly and he followed Surak’s logic religiously. And Cris had wanted that. He wanted the difference. But there’s a pattern with Cris, because maybe it wasn’t the emotion vs. logic dynamic that drew him to both men.

Hero.

Killer.

Where is the line between Grand, Heroic Captain and Cold-Blooded Murderer? He goes back and forth on it all the time. Is it wrong that he can’t see that line anymore? Because he loved his captain, pops, his old man. He was a mentor and a hero to him and when he had taken the lives of innocents it was such a hard betrayal for him to handle and even after holding his captain’s bloody corpse in his arms he’s never fully forgiven him for it, even as he wept over his lifeless body. Even after he’s mourned his death for years, he can’t forgive Vandermeer and he can’t forgive himself. He can’t forgive Starfleet and he can’t move on, even after finding out the truth.

And Sylar. His husband, his bondmate, the love of his life. These two tragic men have more in common than meets the eye. Even a nickname for Sylar echoes something he would call his captain. _Viejo._ “Old man.” Sylar. Hero, killer, _former_ captain. Of course, Sylar would deny being a hero, but he is to Cris. He has saved Cris so many times, too many of those times involved him shattering people’s minds so irrevocably as to utterly destroy them and the first time he saw it happen he felt sick. The shots of the phaser beams from his captain’s weapon echoed in his head years later as he saw his CMO decimate a man’s brain in front of his eyes and he realized that it’s happening again.

 _He did it to save them._ Sylar saved Cris’s life, his own life (although that wasn’t a consideration), the lives of others because they would have hurt other people and Cris tried to justify it, but he also knows that, like Vandermeer, Sylar has taken the lives of innocents as well as the guilty. Vandermeer did it to save his crew, everyone on the ship. Fired shots into the heads of two innocents to save hundreds. It was a _logical_ choice. Cris always hated the “trolley” dilemma as old Earth philosophy called it. As a lover of philosophy, it’s a problem he knows well, but that was never one he was fond of. It’s an uncomfortable subject, but philosophy isn’t meant to be _comfortable._ It was harder to execute in practice then it was in theory.

They were always putting others before themselves. It came so naturally to them, thoughts of themselves never even crossed their mind, especially Sylar.

And then comes the worst part. As horrible of a person it might make him, he could handle the murders. Now, after all this time, he’s had time for the pain to set in, he could be able to handle it. That’s the tragic part. He’s proving it with Sylar. He just wanted his captain back. The suicide is the worst part. Vandermeer did it because of him. He couldn’t help but believe that if he hadn’t been so hard on him, if they had just done what they had to do and he’d helped him through the guilt, that he’d still be here right now. And Sylar… Sylar’s death wish isn’t because of him, but he’s exacerbated it far too many times for his liking. Sylar feels like his death would protect him. Sometimes he feels like the logical thing to do would be to kill himself. That their association, their love, puts Cris’s life in danger and the only way to protect him from it would be his death. But he couldn’t bare to lose Sylar that way. It _would_ be his fault. Although, he knows now, that just before Sylar heard he had been reassigned to _La Sirena_ he was seconds away from taking his own life. With a phaser that is still on his ship now. It almost… Felt like fate. That his decision to accept Sylar’s reassignment saved him from suicide. Almost a redemption of sorts, but he knows he’s only one wrong move away from losing the love of his life the same way he lost his mentor… His father figure… The only family he had had left at the time. He was hollow and empty for years after Vandermeer’s death, but Sylar brought life back into him. Vandermeer’s death devastated him. But Sylar’s death would destroy him.

**Author's Note:**

> S'vec Sylar belongs to Telas_Selar.


End file.
